Richard Vernon: You're not fooling anyone Bender. The next screw that falls out will be you.
Bender: Eat my shorts.
Richard Vernon: What was that?
Bender: Eat....My....Shorts!
Richard Vernon: You just bought yourself another Saturday!
Bender: Ooh I'm crushed.
Richard Vernon: You just bought one more.
Bender: Well I'm free the Saturday after that. Beyond that, I'm going to have to check my calendar.
Richard Vernon: Good, cause it's going to be filled. We'll keep going. You want another one? Just say the word say it! Instead of going to prison you'll come here. Are you through?
Bender: No!

Andrew: Speak for yourself.
Bender: Do you think I'd speak for you? I don't even know your language.

Bender: So...So, are you guys boyfriend/girlfriend? Steady Dates? Lov-ers? Come on, Sporto, level with me. Do you slip her the hot beef injection?
Claire: GO TO HELL!
Andrew: ENOUGH!

Andrew: If I lose my temper you're totaled, man.
Bender: Totally?
Andrew: Totally.

Bender: Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?

Bender: What are we having?
Brian: Just your normal everyday lunch.
Bender: Milk?
Brian: Soup.... Apple juice.
Bender: I can read. PB & J with the crusts cut off. Well Brian, this is a very nutricious lunch. All the food groups are represented. Did your mom marry Mr. Rogers?
Brian: No, Mr. Johnson.

Bender: Being bad feels pretty good, huh?

Allison: Your middle name is Ralph, as in puke, your birth date's March 12th, you're 5'9 and a half, you weigh 130 pounds and your social security number is 049380913.
Andrew: Wow! Are you psychic?
Allison: No.
Brian: Well, would you mind telling me how you know all this about me?
Allison: I stole your wallet.

Bender: Hey, how come Andrew gets to get up? If he gets up, we'll all get up, it'll be anarchy!

Brian: Chicks cannot hold their smoke, that's what it is.

Bender: Sporto.
Andrew: What?
Bender: You get along with your parents?
Andrew: Well, if I say yes I'm an idiot, right?
Bender: You're an idiot anyway. But if you say you get along with your parents, well, you're a liar too.

Richard Vernon: What if your home... what if your family... what if your *dope* was on fire?
John Bender: Impossible, sir. It's in Johnson's underwear.

Andrew: What do you need a fake I.D. for?
Brian: So I can vote!

Bender: Excuse me, Dick. I mean, Rich, will milk be made available to us?
Claire: I have a really low tolerance for dehydration.
Andrew: I've seen her dehydrate, sir, it's pretty gross.

Claire: What's your name?
Bender: What's yours?
Claire: Claire.
Bender: Claire?
Claire: Claire. It's a family name.
Bender: Oh, it's a fat girl's name.
Claire: Oh, thank you.
Bender: You're welcome.
Claire: I'm not fat.
Bender: Well not at present, but I can see you really pushing maximum density. See I'm not sure if you know this, but there are two kinds of fat people: there's fat people that were born to be fat, and there's fat people that were once thin but became fat... so when you look at 'em you can sorta see that thin person inside. You see, you're gonna get married, you're gonna squeeze out a few puppies and then, uh...

[Bender is absently tearing up books]
Andrew: That's real intelligent.
Bender: You're right. It's wrong to destroy literature. It's such fun to read. And [examines title] Moe-Lay really pumps my nads.
Claire: Moliere.

Richard Vernon: What was that ruckus?
Andrew: Uh, what ruckus?
Richard: I was just in my office and I heard a ruckus.
Brian: Could you describe the ruckus, sir?

Bender: That's very clever, sir. But what if there's a fire? I think violating fire codes and endangering the lives off children would be unwise at this junction in your career, sir.

[As Bender prepares to urinate under his desk]
Andrew: Hey, you're not urinating in here, man!
Bender: Don't talk! Don't talk! It makes it crawl back up.

Bender: YOU ARE A BITCH!
Claire: Why? 'Cause I'm telling the truth, that makes me a bitch?
Bender: NO! 'Cause you know how shitty that is to do someone, if you don't got the balls to stand up to who you like!

Bender: Hey, homeboy, what do you say we close that door, we'll get the prom queen impregnated.

Claire: You know, you look a lot better without all that black shit under your eyes.
Allison: Hey, I like all that black shit... Why are you being so nice to me?
Claire: Because you're letting me.

Richard Vernon: Gimme that.
Bender: I don't have it.
Richard Vernon: You want me to yank you out of that seat and shake it out of you?
Bender: I don't have it. Screws fall out all the time, the worlds' an imperfect place.
Claire: Excuse me sir why would anyone want to steal a screw?

Claire: I hate it! I hate having to go along with everything my friends say!

Bender: Hey, Cherry! Do you belong to the physics club?
Claire: That's an academic club.
Bender: So?
Claire: So academic clubs aren't the same as other kinds of clubs.
Bender: Ah...but to dorks like him, they are. What do you guys do in your club?
Brian: In physics we...uh...we talk about physics, properties of physics.
Bender: So it's sorta social, demented and sad, but social. Right?

Brian: I'm a fucking idiot because I can't make a lamp?
John Bender: No. You're a genius because you can't make a lamp.

Richard Vernon: Now thats it! I'm gonna be right outside those doors. Next time I have to come in here, I'm crackin' skulls.

Bender: Well, if you'd just answer the question.
Brian: Why don't you just answer the question?
Andrew: Be honest.
Bender: No big deal.
Brian: Yeah answer it.
Andrew: Answer the question, Claire.
Bender: Talk to us.
Everyone: C'mon, answer the question. Come on. Answer it!
Bender: C'mon, it's easy. It's only one question.
Claire: NO I NEVER DID IT!
Allison: I never did it either. I'm not a nymphomaniac. I'm a compulsive liar.

Bender: Well, Brian, this is a very nutritious lunch. All the food groups are represented. Did your mom marry Mr. Rogers?
Brian: Uh, no. Mr. Johnson.

Allison: When you grow up, your heart dies.
Bender: Who cares.
Allison: I care.

Brian (Letter To Richard Vernon): Dear Mr. Vernon: We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it is we did wrong, but we think you're crazy for making us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us: in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain, and an athlete, and a basket case, a princess, and a criminal. Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, The Breakfast Club.